Lagwegbig is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, witty whale.

Lagwegbig created viruses six billion years ago.

If you believe in Lagwegbig, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lagwegbig, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Lagwegbig's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Lagwegbig's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never wear shoes.

3. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Lagwegbig in the centre of the settlement.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never go into black rooms.