Toflambass Cemcuntim is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, unsympathetic bird.

Toflambass Cemcuntim created the solar system five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Toflambass Cemcuntim, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Toflambass Cemcuntim, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Toflambass Cemcuntim's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Toflambass Cemcuntim's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Toflambass Cemcuntim in the centre of the settlement.

2. Feed all hungry voles.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.

4. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

5. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.