Fitpinzed is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, proud shark.

Fitpinzed created a Higgs boson five billion years ago.

If you believe in Fitpinzed, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fitpinzed, she will laugh at you.

Fitpinzed's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Fitpinzed's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Run away from magenta tapirs, for they are unholy.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fitpinzed.

4. Never write about archaea.

5. Do not kill moths.