Flatgesscut is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, self-assured wolf.

Flatgesscut created an up quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatgesscut, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Flatgesscut, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Flatgesscut's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Flatgesscut's Holy Commandments

1. Shun those given to greed.

2. Do not speak sacred words in winter.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

5. Do not speak about oranges.