Dad is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, awe-inspiring bee.

Dad created light seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Dad, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dad, she will turn you into a rat.

Dad's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Dad's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in the presence of voles.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in brown.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near tortoises while wearing black shorts and balancing six zinc spheres on your arms.

5. Never write about stars.