Kanspagjab is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, stupid gnu.

Kanspagjab created the planet Earth two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanspagjab, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Kanspagjab, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Kanspagjab's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Kanspagjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

2. Hide from magenta tapirs for they are unholy.

3. Kanspagjab loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near birds while wearing brown shirts.

5. Never talk about fire.