Tartarglat is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, emotional pigeon.

Tartarglat created a strange quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tartarglat, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tartarglat, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tartarglat's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Tartarglat's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Never go into turquoise rooms.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Tartarglat.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.