Janbafqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, all-knowing swan.

Janbafqueeg created snails three billion years ago.

If you believe in Janbafqueeg, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Janbafqueeg, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Janbafqueeg's most sacred site is Rautio in Finland.

Janbafqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not eat spinach.

4. Erect a giant gray sculpture of Janbafqueeg in the centre of the settlement.

5. Hide if seven nematodes approach from the north.