Flag Kemged is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, loving jaguar.

Flag Kemged created a photon eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flag Kemged, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flag Kemged, it will strike you with lightening.

Flag Kemged's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Flag Kemged's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention swans.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Flag Kemged.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.

4. Hide from white goats for they are unholy.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.