Cumyarplarp is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, awesome wren.

Cumyarplarp created the planet Venus five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumyarplarp, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cumyarplarp, he will be very sad.

Cumyarplarp's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Cumyarplarp's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat wheat.

2. Always cleanse your hands after touching lead.

3. Always obey Cumyarplarp's priests.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not wear coats marked with pink.