Citgom is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, witty deer.

Citgom created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Citgom, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Citgom, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Citgom's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Citgom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Citgom.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not speak about beans.