Afsatkip Gupfighakgilcen is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, deceitful finch.

Afsatkip Gupfighakgilcen created the solar system three million years ago.

If you believe in Afsatkip Gupfighakgilcen, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Afsatkip Gupfighakgilcen, he will jump up and down on your head.

Afsatkip Gupfighakgilcen's most sacred site is Burras in England.

Afsatkip Gupfighakgilcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never write about quantum field theory.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Worship no other gods but Afsatkip Gupfighakgilcen.