Nurmetgut is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, effective finch.

Nurmetgut created everything that exists four million years ago.

If you believe in Nurmetgut, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Nurmetgut, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Nurmetgut's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Nurmetgut's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never talk about eagles.

5. Never wear orange corsets.