Cemzenwig is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, resourceful porpoise.

Cemzenwig created the Large Magellanic Cloud five billion years ago.

If you believe in Cemzenwig, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Cemzenwig, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Cemzenwig's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Cemzenwig's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no cats in a room before entering it.

2. Erect six zinc sculptures of Cemzenwig on top of important buildings.

3. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not drink alcohol.