Sakvonkban is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, merciful horse.

Sakvonkban created energy nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Sakvonkban, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Sakvonkban, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Sakvonkban's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Sakvonkban's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about cell theory.

2. Feed all hungry bats.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always treat shrews with great respect.