Quafganbap is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, omnipotent clam.

Quafganbap created a top quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Quafganbap, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Quafganbap, he will turn you into a mole.

Quafganbap's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Quafganbap's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry mites.

2. Erect a giant platinum sculpture of Quafganbap in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never leap in the presence of squirrels.

4. Quafganbap loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

5. Do not wear gold on your body.