Gesslargcar is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, omniscient otter.

Gesslargcar created the planet Mars two years ago.

If you believe in Gesslargcar, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gesslargcar, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Gesslargcar's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Gesslargcar's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity.

2. Never prepare garlic during autumn.

3. Never think about dark energy near squirrels while wearing violet dresses and balancing six aluminium spheres on your legs.

4. Do not wear skirts marked with pink.

5. Erect a giant black sculpture of Gesslargcar in the centre of the settlement.