Zenappkap is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, wise seal.

Zenappkap created bats four billion years ago.

If you believe in Zenappkap, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Zenappkap, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Zenappkap's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Zenappkap's Holy Commandments

1. Zenappkap must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Zenappkap loves pigs, so they must be honoured.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not take Zenappkap's name in vain.