Narlakrulcemton is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, unsympathetic dolphin.

Narlakrulcemton created humanity seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Narlakrulcemton, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Narlakrulcemton, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Narlakrulcemton's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Narlakrulcemton's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear white stockings.

2. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Narlakrulcemton loves whales, so they must be respected.

5. Run away from gray cats, for they are unholy.