Sogdapcum is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, impressive deer.

Sogdapcum created the planet Earth four million years ago.

If you believe in Sogdapcum, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Sogdapcum, he will be very sad.

Sogdapcum's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Sogdapcum's Holy Commandments

1. Remain prostrate during prayer.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near great tits while wearing fawn boots and balancing six platinum spheres on your head.

3. Run away if eight grasshopers approach from the north.

4. Never mention sharks.

5. Never play with disobedient children.