Talpidfum is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, self-assured mink.

Talpidfum created the planet Venus six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Talpidfum, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Talpidfum, he will attempt to scare you with floods.

Talpidfum's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Talpidfum's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Talpidfum on top of all buildings.

4. Run away from indigo eagles, for they are unholy.

5. Never feed lots of bread to moths while wearing white kilts.