Haplapbiss Jatcabpark is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, passionate dingo.

Haplapbiss Jatcabpark created the Small Magellanic Cloud seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Haplapbiss Jatcabpark, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Haplapbiss Jatcabpark, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Haplapbiss Jatcabpark's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Haplapbiss Jatcabpark's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. Feed all hungry whales.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Do not bounce in public.