Witkoptun is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, cheerful wombat.

Witkoptun created bats three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Witkoptun, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Witkoptun, she will jump up and down on your head.

Witkoptun's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Witkoptun's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never eat wheat.

5. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.