Wapkonbad is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, stupid hummingbird.

Wapkonbad created an up quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wapkonbad, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Wapkonbad, he will laugh at you.

Wapkonbad's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Wapkonbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your back red.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not wear indigo clothing.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.