Targlitstercemmanhapingxem is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, loving scorpion.

Targlitstercemmanhapingxem created a bottom quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Targlitstercemmanhapingxem, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Targlitstercemmanhapingxem, it will have a low opinion of you.

Targlitstercemmanhapingxem's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Targlitstercemmanhapingxem's Holy Commandments

1. Always help mites in need.

2. Do not eat corn.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never eat pineapples.