Zimcarmat is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, irritating crocodile.

Zimcarmat created the Milkyway three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zimcarmat, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zimcarmat, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Zimcarmat's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Zimcarmat's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine tapirs approach from the east.

2. Do not travel during autumn.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Zimcarmat in the centre of the settlement.