Tarplitbass is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, staggering weasel.

Tarplitbass created humankind nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarplitbass, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Tarplitbass, he will turn you into a goat.

Tarplitbass' most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Tarplitbass' Holy Commandments

1. Tarplitbass loves manatees, so they must be respected.

2. Never feed limes to birds while wearing fawn shoes.

3. Never talk about dwarf planets.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Always help sick cats.