Quagbitpop is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, narcissistic swan.

Quagbitpop created a down quark two billion years ago.

If you believe in Quagbitpop, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Quagbitpop, she will turn you into a goat.

Quagbitpop's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Quagbitpop's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick aardvarks.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Never gather eight seals near doors.

4. Never allow rats to witness sacred rites.

5. Never eat green fruit.