Tarpcimcanweestig is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, sapient goblin.

Tarpcimcanweestig created water two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpcimcanweestig, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tarpcimcanweestig, it will turn you into a dog.

Tarpcimcanweestig's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Tarpcimcanweestig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate the strong nuclear force during the night.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never wear violet scarves.

5. Do not make images of living things.