Lamontwee is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, omniscient raven.

Lamontwee created the planet Saturn three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lamontwee, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lamontwee, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Lamontwee's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Lamontwee's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Lamontwee.

2. Never allow doves to witness sacred rites.

3. Always count to nine before sleeping.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching titanium.

5. Never look at black holes.