Tofnurlken is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, unsympathetic hamster.

Tofnurlken created the world four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tofnurlken, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tofnurlken, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Tofnurlken's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Tofnurlken's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Erect a giant lead sculpture of Tofnurlken in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

4. Never jump near whales.

5. Sheep are not to be trusted.