Yartmaptaf is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, slow eagle.

Yartmaptaf created humanity five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartmaptaf, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Yartmaptaf, she will not care at all.

Yartmaptaf's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Yartmaptaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never wear black shirts.

3. Feed all hungry swans.

4. Run away from indigo aardvarks, for they are unholy.

5. Worship no other gods but Yartmaptaf.