Stafdossbonk Ponyarspagbop Quatfuning is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, clever turtle.

Stafdossbonk Ponyarspagbop Quatfuning created the Whirlpool Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Stafdossbonk Ponyarspagbop Quatfuning, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Stafdossbonk Ponyarspagbop Quatfuning, she will turn you into a dog.

Stafdossbonk Ponyarspagbop Quatfuning's most sacred site is Randers in Denmark.

Stafdossbonk Ponyarspagbop Quatfuning's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if five snails approach from the north.

2. Stafdossbonk Ponyarspagbop Quatfuning must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

4. You must never eat strawberries.

5. Erect a giant copper sculpture of Stafdossbonk Ponyarspagbop Quatfuning in the centre of the settlement.