Vabzagbess is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unfair faun.

Vabzagbess created an atom four million years ago.

If you believe in Vabzagbess, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Vabzagbess, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Vabzagbess' most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Vabzagbess' Holy Commandments

1. Put Vabzagbess first in all things.

2. Never feed wheat to tapirs while wearing red tights.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Do not drink water in cyan rooms.

5. Do not shave your back.