Teenfagtip Sandfasbum is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, capable bear.

Teenfagtip Sandfasbum created a photon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Teenfagtip Sandfasbum, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Teenfagtip Sandfasbum, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Teenfagtip Sandfasbum's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Teenfagtip Sandfasbum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not speak about cucumbers.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Teenfagtip Sandfasbum.