Hakrillwap is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, slow gerbil.

Hakrillwap created parasitic wasps four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakrillwap, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hakrillwap, he will turn you into a worm.

Hakrillwap's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Hakrillwap's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick turtles.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never talk about snakes.