Kipcutten Fomjatciss is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, staggering lobster.

Kipcutten Fomjatciss created humankind twelve years ago.

If you believe in Kipcutten Fomjatciss, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kipcutten Fomjatciss, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Kipcutten Fomjatciss' most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Kipcutten Fomjatciss' Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not speak of spacetime near sacred fires.

3. Do not place coconuts upon stone.

4. Never mark doors with green.

5. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.