Tofmitwod is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, moody cow.

Tofmitwod created silver six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofmitwod, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Tofmitwod, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Tofmitwod's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Tofmitwod's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear hats.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near aardvarks while wearing pink rings.

3. Shun those given to greed.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tofmitwod.

5. Do not chant in public.