Lopvinpom is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, irritating turtle.

Lopvinpom created the planet Jupiter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lopvinpom, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lopvinpom, it will boil you in a big pot.

Lopvinpom's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Lopvinpom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Rats are not to be trusted.

3. Never wear boots.

4. Never sit in the presence of mites.

5. Never go into black rooms.