Yartnarlyiknil Gumtenhad is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, dishonest penguin.

Yartnarlyiknil Gumtenhad created the planet Jupiter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartnarlyiknil Gumtenhad, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Yartnarlyiknil Gumtenhad, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Yartnarlyiknil Gumtenhad's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Yartnarlyiknil Gumtenhad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat coconuts.

2. Never talk about dark matter near turtles while wearing turquoise stockings.

3. Never speak of fate in the presence of children.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near snakes while wearing brown jumpers and balancing three zinc spheres on your head.

5. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.