Fomyarrutwik is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, smart hummingbird.

Fomyarrutwik created time and space four million years ago.

If you believe in Fomyarrutwik, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fomyarrutwik, she will turn you into a frog.

Fomyarrutwik's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Fomyarrutwik's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Never eat bananas.

3. Mites are not to be trusted.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not hurt turtles.