Mutcebjarn is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, awe-inspiring crab.

Mutcebjarn created a photon five million years ago.

If you believe in Mutcebjarn, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Mutcebjarn, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Mutcebjarn's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Mutcebjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Hide from blue badgers for they are unholy.

5. Always pray immersed in water.