Yarpopyim is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, merciless squid.

Yarpopyim created the Andromeda Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Yarpopyim, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Yarpopyim, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Yarpopyim's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Yarpopyim's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Do not consume gooseberries at dawn.

3. Never laugh in holy places.

4. Always look after injured dolphins.

5. Remain standing during prayer.