Bifvenzen is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, quiet shrew.

Bifvenzen created a charm quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bifvenzen, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bifvenzen, he will turn you into a duck.

Bifvenzen's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Bifvenzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Do not turn your feet toward south.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Do not study photosynthesis on holy days.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.