Appsakstafdudbanstrag is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, staggering crocodile.

Appsakstafdudbanstrag created life three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Appsakstafdudbanstrag, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Appsakstafdudbanstrag, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Appsakstafdudbanstrag's most sacred site is Aranganur in India.

Appsakstafdudbanstrag's Holy Commandments

1. Appsakstafdudbanstrag loves great tits, so they must be respected.

2. Hide from gray hamsters for they are unholy.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.