Nurtcetbit is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, omniscient bird.

Nurtcetbit created bats eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtcetbit, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nurtcetbit, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Nurtcetbit's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Nurtcetbit's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not keep three moths in a large pit.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.