Arfflowlen is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, awesome skunk.

Arfflowlen created a charm quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arfflowlen, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Arfflowlen, it will turn you into a puffin.

Arfflowlen's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Arfflowlen's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear mauve.

2. Never wear red dresses.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Turtles are not to be trusted.

5. Do not commit murder.