Farcunort is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, merciless lobster.

Farcunort created the planet Saturn four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Farcunort, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Farcunort, it will have a low opinion of you.

Farcunort's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Farcunort's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about stars.

2. Do not run in public.

3. Never talk about special relativity near tortoises while wearing violet shoes and balancing five nickel spheres on your arms.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never bounce near doves.