Jiptafbum is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, annoying wombat.

Jiptafbum created time and space two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jiptafbum, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jiptafbum, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Jiptafbum's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Jiptafbum's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never talk about gravity near cats while wearing gray rings.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Do not wear lead on your body.

5. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.