Jamcatbonnakjarnkimnarl is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, almighty deer.

Jamcatbonnakjarnkimnarl created Asia eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamcatbonnakjarnkimnarl, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jamcatbonnakjarnkimnarl, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Jamcatbonnakjarnkimnarl's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Jamcatbonnakjarnkimnarl's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jamcatbonnakjarnkimnarl.

2. Do not take Jamcatbonnakjarnkimnarl's name in vain.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Jamcatbonnakjarnkimnarl in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never hurt snails.