Kimkemkomtin is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, compassionate skunk.

Kimkemkomtin created humanity nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Kimkemkomtin, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kimkemkomtin, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Kimkemkomtin's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Kimkemkomtin's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Kimkemkomtin.

2. Never jump in the presence of pigs.

3. Do not speak about pineapples.

4. Never wear coats.

5. Do not keep six dogs in a large pit.